Bye-Bye Irma, It’s Been Real

Yesterday Irma was removed. Irma was my port in which chemotherapy was administered. It was a minor procedure with no fanfare. Just a little bruising and a few aches and a warning not to lift stuff with my right arm for a while. Yeah. We’ll see how long that lasts.

Cancer is something that doesn’t let go of you, even when you know it’s been removed from your body. There’s always the what if in the back of my mind.

I guess I’ve been put into the cancer survivor category. Am I in remission? I don’t know. I can only hope.

For now, let’s just say I am feeling relieved and whole. I’ve started eating better except for the occasional splurge (like last Sunday’s calzone) and when I feel a bit a bit stronger I’ll do more outdoor walking. I still get tired easily but I’m not discouraged. I’m on the path to renewal.

And so dear readers, this will hopefully be my last entry in the Chemical Diaries.

Thank you all for taking the time to read. Thanks to all the staff at MGH Danvers for everything. Thank you to all my friends and family who have been super supportive.

This is going to be a great year. 2015 here I come!

PS: Don’t think you can get rid of me that easily. My other blog is www.ellengarfield.blogspot.com  There’s An Elephant in My Shoes. I’ll be writing again soon on that one!

Moving right along....

And so, as we near the end of 2014, I have 3 radiation therapy sessions remaining, the last one on December 31.

Nothing involving cancer treatment is enticing. However. Radiation has been a blast. Ok, let me rephrase that. It’s been really uplifting.

The Reindeer: Tamara, Lauren and Stephanie

Chemotherapy sessions were relaxing but the after effects were horrendous. In contrast, radiation therapy has been, well, kind of fun. OK. Really fun. I see the same 3 to 5 girls every day. We joke, we laugh, they draw designs on my boob. Sharpie markers are a bitch to get off but it’s worth it.

Side effects are minimal. I’m red like a lobster. Sunburn central. It doesn’t hurt but it can be annoying. It itches. Scratching my boob is kind of crass. Especially in my line of work.

All the medical folk and WebMD said I should be really tired. Exhausted. Well, I kind of am. Oh wait. Let’s see. Radiation, work, band practice, 6 maximum hours of sleep. Yup. I guess that would qualify me as tired. Is it the radiation? Hard to say.

Let's ditch the grey

A work in progress..

My hair is growing in. I decided to go red but it came out a bit lighter than I wanted. This is an easy fix. Everyone has a critique. Go lighter, go darker, go longer, keep it short. I’ll figure it out eventually. For now I’m just happy it’s growing!

So what happens next? This is a good question which I’ll learn the answer to in a few weeks. Stay tuned for the next installment.

Happy holidays and happy New Year to all. Here's to 2015!!

Act 3

On to radiation. You know? I was so apprehensive about how this procedure would work. Again, fear of the unknown.

A few days ago I went in for my dress rehearsal. I zipped up to the hospital after work, quite anxious. All the radiology girls were awesome. The Girls of Room 2. They said the table I would be stretched out on would be a bit uncomfortable. I was perfectly happy. After being on my feet for 8+ hours at work this sliding table, or should I say bed, felt like heaven. I even dozed off while they did their measuring.

They were speaking a scientific radiology language I totally did not understand. It was kind of funny. I thought to myself, whoa. They were talking about me in front of my back and I didn’t understand a word. They drew on me with sharpie markers, graphing out exactly how the radiation beams would hit me. Then they put a nice warm blanket on me and left the room to consult the computers. I promptly took a nap.

When they returned I was given 6 teeny, tiny, itsy, bitsy tattoos. No butterflies or hearts. Bummer. So tiny I can hardly distinguish them from a freckle. Oh well. These are guideline markers. Oh, technology.

I met with the radiology nurse therapist. I had questions. Don’t I always? After she picked my brain about books, I picked hers about side effects. What to expect. She said some sunburn soreness. I was ok with that. I said I had more creams and potions than CVS. She said I would be tired. Then she told me with my crazy work schedule, I might not even notice. Good point. The only time I’m NOT tired is when I’m doing a gig. Performing=Energy.

I’m so ready for this. 6 weeks of radiation. Monday through Friday. It sounds ominous but I want to do it and be done with it. The pros and cons are pretty much equal. Driving to the hospital every day is a drag. BUT. The hospital is across from the mall. Oh Sephora. Oh Macy’s. Oh Nordstrom. On second thought, this might be a con as well!!

Punk hair! It's growing in super fast.

I’ll let you all know how it goes. And now for a little online sleuthing. I need to know what’s on sale at Macy’s!

Now What?

Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water, another little blip was thrown at me.

Chemo finished check

Surgery finished check

Radiation about to commence maybe not

Wait. What? I was informed that I still have some cancer spots that must be removed.

Well dang. I thought I was free and clear. Apparently not.

The first surgery went well. Recovery not so well. Those darn lymph nodes are such a nuisance. My left arm is not happy. It will get better I know that, but right now I’m in semi agony if I tried to reach up for something. As for the actual breast surgery/lumpectomy, that was a piece of cake and that’s what I have to have again. And so, more missed days of work. Not an ideal situation but I’ll manage. At least I know what to expect so I won’t feel quite as apprehensive as the first surgery. And painkillers are so good for the soul.

In the meantime, I’ll take pleasure in watching my hair grow. I’ve got a semi mohawk at this point which is kind of silly looking but my son thinks I look real hip. OK. I can do hip.He also thinks a beanie baby chicken looks fetching.

Onward. When the going gets tough, the tough does some serious retail therapy online.

Away we go….

Inch By Inch

 

So I’m not a cue ball anymore. Or ping pong ball. More like a tennis ball. A light layer of fuzz.

Yes. My hair has started growing in. It’s quite amazing actually. It feels and looks like baby chick fluff. The color is somewhat baffling. One day it looks blondish and the next grayish and the next black. I think it will be a kind of salt and pepper, which could be cool. I have no idea of the texture. I’m kind of hoping for spiky but we’ll see. Rocker Chick Deluxe!

My son would greet me each morning with, “Hi Baldy!” Now he’s changed his tune to, “Hi Fuzzy!” He says I look like a moldy peach. I’m taking that as a compliment. Each day he exams my scalp to see what’s new.

I’m not ready to leave the house without my turban hat. Maybe in a few weeks I’ll toss the hat and go “bare.” But only on cloudy days. Sun and scalp are not a good combo.

Next week is surgery. Not looking forward to being housebound but after chemo I’ve been told that this will be a piece of cake (donations of baked goods gladly accepted).

I’ll keep you all updated. Thanks for taking the time to read my rantings!

You CAN Go Home Again

This past weekend I attended my 40^th high school reunion. That’s right. 40 years. Incredible. I’d never been to a high school reunion. The Facebook invites went out about a year ago and I immediately responded, YES. Before Facebook there were few options for finding many people. Many of us moved from our old towns. Phone numbers were changed.

I couldn’t wait to be out of high school. My senior year was spent in a performing arts school for half the day. I was involved in the school musicals and of course the music department. I didn’t go to school events. I was busy with music lessons and performances. I never went to the senior prom. I had a gig that night.

During the course of this year, people from high school started friending each other on Facebook. Some of us did it well before the invites went out. Searching for a time when things were simpler. A reminiscence of who we were. A nostalgic yearning for the 1970’s.

I became Facebook friends with classmates that I was never friends with during my high school years. It didn’t matter. We all came from the same place and that made it real.

When I was diagnosed in February I was determined not to let this interfere with the reunion. After finishing chemo I became nervous. What if I didn’t have the energy to travel to NY? What if I was in pain? What if I was too tired to do anything? One of our classmates mentioned that she was nervous about the reunion. I was nervous about my body falling apart.

I was also apprehensive about people seeing me for the first time in 40 years that knew nothing about my health issues. Would they wonder why I was wearing a turban? Most people seemed to get it and one old friend said, “OK, so what exactly is going on here?”

A lot of people came up to me and said they’ve been reading my blog. I was kind of taken back. Wow. I really had no idea who was reading my blog. I do post the link onto Facebook and Twitter each time I post to blogspot.

And what of the reunion? We couldn’t get enough of each other. We wanted more time. We wanted to talk until the sun came up and many did. We took pics and posted them to Facebook. We decided not to wait 10 years for the next reunion. 10 years. Gawd. We’ll be so old. Who wants to wait THAT long? So we went for 5. That seems reasonable enough. If you had asked me 10 years after high school to attend a reunion, I would have scoffed at the idea. And now? I’d do it every 2 years. Not only to remember the past, but to look at all of us and see how far we’ve come. We are amazing.

General Douglas MacArthur Class of 1974, we totally rock!!!

This is dedicated to all of you with lots of love!

When Is It Time to Feel Normal?

It’s been 3 weeks since my last chemo spa session. I confess, I’m still not back to normal. But what is normal?

I know that it will take a while for my body to build itself back up. I know that it will take months before my hair starts to make an appearance. I know Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Yes, I’ve been doing closet cleaning and reorganizing. If I’m going to be in the house I may as well be productive. A new thrift shop opened in town and I’ve got bags of clothes waiting to be delivered.

There are other things to be considered as well. I need to see the dentist. It’s been a year. I was told no dental appointments while on chemo. I also need to have my eyes examined. I can see fine with my glasses if I’m looking at something across the room. Otherwise it’s squinting or ditching the glasses. Squinting isn’t a good option.

Wine in Trieste

I also need a glass of good red wine. No wine or beer or any kind of alcohol while on chemo. Chemo is over. Not that I’m a big drinker. But a nice glass of wine will be much appreciated.

MacArthur High

In two weeks I’m going to my 40^th high school reunion. Gasp. 40 years. How scary is that? The reunion is in New York in the town where I grew up. I’ll be seeing people I haven’t seen in 40 years. I’ll be seeing people I didn’t even know in high school. Our class was something over 500 and maybe 60 of us will be at the reunion. We’re making a weekend of it. I wanted to lose a ton of weight, have my hair look perfect etc. etc. But the reality of it all is that I’m happy just to be going. To be healthy enough to enjoy the experience. One thing I don’t have to worry about is my hair frizzing. There’s always a silver lining!

Every day I’m feeling my energy renew. It’s about 50% right now. But in a few weeks I’ll be at 100%.

100%. Now that’s awesome!

Home town (Wantagh)